The Silent Bob Invasion
by SkyandIris
Summary: Kate sort of adopts a perpetually catnip-high kitten, and she sort of blames Sarah McLachlan's voice and that damn Humane Society commercial. (AKA HAPPY BIRTHDAY MORGAN ALICE SCHNOWFWAKE)


**A/N: So, it's**** Morgan's birthday. And this happened. Happy Birthday, Mrowgan. You da best. Proofread by Tori as you blew up my phone XOXO**

XxXxXxXxX

Rick Castle had been knocking on a certain detective's door for the past twenty minutes, and he was _this_ close to busting the damn thing down - or, at least, attempting to, as he suspected that all the _Walker, Texas Ranger_ he'd watched as a kid exaggerated how easy it was - when it flung open.

"What?" His very frazzled girlfriend was leaning against the doorframe in front of him, her hair pulled back into a messy bun and donning a pair of sweats and a long sleeved shirt, even though it had to be at _least_ 90 degrees outside. The cool burst of air behind her explained how she could stand it, but he found himself shivering in his shorts and t-shirt.

Before he could say a word, however, there was a flash of movement at Kate's feet and a sudden pain in his right calf. "Ow, what the-" He almost dropped the drink he held, only catching it at the last minute as the pain increased.

Kate lunged forward, bending down to his leg and whatever it was disappeared almost instantly. "Damn it, I'm sorry. Well, not really, but you know what I mean."

He really didn't, but he was still focused on rubbing his leg, inspecting the thin white scratches left behind by whatever had just laid siege. "What the hell was _that_?"

She cursed again, and he looked up to see her wrestling with a tiny furball that she was using both arms to hold. "Is that-"

"A monster? Yes." Kate sighed, as the thing in her arms settled down slightly. "Come inside, before he gets out again."

Rick closed the door behind him and she set the offending creature on the ground, accepting the cup he'd handed her with a small smile and a peck on the lips. It scampered away at what he assumed was probably it's full speed. To _where,_ exactly, he wasn't sure, but he was extra sure to keep his legs as protected as possible as he sat down on her couch. "Gone for a week and you got a _cat?_"

"I didn't get-" She shook her head. "More like, the cat got _me_."

"Explain."

She took a long swig from the iced tea he'd given her and looked at him appraisingly. He'd been in Los Angeles for the entire week prior, so busy with whatever it was he had to do before a book release that he hadn't even been able to keep up on the case they'd had via text. And while she'd maybe admit that she'd missed him irritating her constantly about the details, the thing that was probably raising some kind of hell in whichever room it snuck into filled the void quite easily. "Don't you have writer stuff to do?"

"Nope," He grinned. "It's all taken care of, so I'm all yours."

"Lucky me." She groaned, kicking a round little bed back into the corner with her toe.

He rubbed his hands together impatiently. "Okay, come on. No more dodging. Explain the furball."

Kate made a face before sitting across from him in her armchair. "I left the window open when that body dropped a few nights ago, it was just so hot out and the AC wasn't working, and I figured it couldn't hurt this high up. And then I came home to _him_ sitting in my kitchen."

He couldn't stop the laughter from escaping. "He broke into your home? Did you arrest him?"

Even at her impressive glare, his laughter didn't stop. "It's not funny. He's a _terror_. It's like he's perpetually hyped up on catnip."

"And what's this little terror's name?"

She looked indignant. "What makes you think I've named him?"

"Please." Rick gave her a look. "You're scooping up his crap, you've definitely named him."

She huffed, eyeing the hallway as if expecting him to come darting back out any second. Which was probably true, Rick mused, but she looked more like she was expecting a grizzly bear than anything. "Silent Bob."

_"Silent Bob_?" As if on cue, Silent Bob darted back into the room, skidding on the tile floor before running full speed onto the cushion next to Castle and attacking the small stuffed toy stuck in the crease. "He already knows his name?"

"He knows when he's being talked about." Kate whispered,

Castle found himself chuckling lowly at her. "You know how you always call my theories ridiculous? Now, my dear detective, it's my turn. _That _is ridiculous."

"Oh yeah? How do you explain him using me as a jungle gym every time I so much as utter his name?"

He raised an eyebrow. "So is that what your getup is about?"

Kate made a face. "My bill is going to be insane, but it's better than walking around like I'm about to be ambushed by a weedwhacker. I can't even _pee _in peace, Castle! He can _fit under the door."_

Rick scooped Silent Bob up, gently pulling his claws out from the cushion, and inspected the kitten closer. He was smaller than he'd originally thought. Tiny, really. All white with a black spot on one of his mismatched eyes, and a long patch of black on his back. "Aww, he's adorable."

"Tell that to my new boots. They already have bite marks in the leather."

"Oh, I'm sure he didn't mean it." He baby talked, and the kitten merely blinked back, putting up with him for the moment. "It looks like he's wearing a cape and eye patch!"

"You want him?" She asked hopefully, trying her best not to cross her fingers. She'd taken Silent Bob to every shelter she could find, and each told her that they were either too full or made her feel guilty by rattling off the poor thing's chance of adoption. Sarah McLachlan and that damn Humane Society commercial that the TV had immediately showed her once she'd gotten home hadn't helped either, nor had the tiny kitten's excited mewls whenever she walked back into the apartment after taking out the trash. She was starting to feel like she was stuck with him.

Suddenly, Silent Bob decided he'd had enough of being held, and wriggled easily out of Castle's grasp. He darted across the floor and clawed his way up Kate's sweats, onto the arm of her chair and up the back before settling onto her shoulder and taking a swipe at her bun.

He chortled. "Nah, you're not getting rid of him that easily. Figure you two could probably use each other."

She made a face as Silent Bob started gnawing at her ear, not quite able to be angry. "I hate you."

XxXxXxXxX

A week later and Silent Bob was still a permanent fixture in Beckett's apartment. Rick had taken to wearing pants as well, and to Kate's displeasure, bringing catnip-filled toys in his pockets.

"He's hyper enough, Castle, there's no need to encourage it."

He smiled as charmingly as he could, pressing a kiss to her lips. "But he wants them so badly, I can't say no to that face."

"He's a cat." She deadpanned,

He smiled at her, as charming as he could. "We have a connection."

Kate rolled her eyes at him, but was unable to hide her fondness as he bent down to scratch the kitten behind his ears.

On the other side of the room, the breeze from the AC moved the curtains, and Silent Bob turned into a blur as he darted over to inspect it.

"You spending the night?" She leaned into him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

Rick nodded absently, still keeping an eye on Silent Bob as he pounced around the room before speaking gravely. "This time, we stuff a towel under the door."

"What, the claws in your ass destroy your mood?"

"It wasn't _that_ funny."

"No, it wasn't." She agreed with a smirk. "Your girly shriek afterwards was _that_ funny."

"Yeah," He agreed. "Almost as funny as when he jumped down onto your head from on top of the fridge."

"_That_ was not funny, I spilled _all_ of my cocoa puffs on the floor."

"If you remember, it was my _bare ass_ that he dug his little claws into." He countered, pinching her ass for effect. "How are they so sharp? Isn't he just a baby?"

"Nine weeks." Kate nodded. "He can get declawed at six months but-"

Rick sighed in relief as Silent Bob accidentally trapped himself in the hall closet. "Good,"

Kate gave him an incredulous look. "But I'm not letting some guy _cut_ his claws out."

"Kate," he whined. "Not some guy, a licensed vet. My ass _still_ hurts."

Studiously ignoring the sounds of the kitten, who was apparently attempting to bust down the closet door, Kate glared at him. "Fine, I'll get him declawed as soon as you let me pull off all of your fingernails with pliers."

Rick winced, pouting for a moment before lighting up. "Google!"

She shook her head as he starting rapidly typing on his phone, sighing deeply as door slammed from somewhere down the hallway. "Silent Bob, what the fuck are you doing now?" Investigating the hall, she distinctly remembered leaving her bedroom door open, and braced herself for whatever she'd find on the other side. Silent Bob. Using the bra hanging on her doorknob as a toy. "You have _got_ to be kidding me."

XxXxXxXxX

"Yo, now that's just embarrassing. Poor little dude." Esposito said two nights later, crouching down to look at the kitten with pity.

"I think they're cute." Kate shrugged, taking a bite of her pizza. The boys had told her they'd had enough of only hearing about the already-legendary Silent Bob and had invited themselves over for dinner. Jenny, however, had other plans for Ryan, whose jealously had been apparent when they'd all - Lanie included - left the precinct for Beckett's apartment.

Silent Bob was rolling on the floor, looking at his paws like they were foreign objects. When they had set the kitten on his feet, he'd frozen for a moment before falling over in protest. Rick assured her that website's FAQ said that this was completely normal for the first few hours, but she still felt anxious at the sight of the normally so rambunctious kitten's stunned behavior.

Lanie looked at them suspiciously. "What the hell _are_ those things?"

"Nail covers." Rick enthused. The green and black caps had little Green Lantern symbols on them, and Rick looked entirely too proud of himself. "You just stick some adhesive in them and slide 'em on, and _bam_, no more clawing my ass!"

"Whoa, that is _way_ too much information." Esposito winced, and Kate smacked Rick's chest with a glare, even as Lanie wolf-whistled with a knowing smirk.

"I can _still_ take those caps off, Castle."

Rick grinned, hugging her from behind. "Promises, promises."

He woke up in the middle of the night to a tail whipping in his face. Silent Bob stretched out languidly before settling with his head on Kate's neck, comfortably squeezing right in between them on the bed.

With a sigh, he moved the kitten's tail away, twitching his nose as the soft fur tickled his face. He found himself _almost_ annoyed, but the content purring coming from the little body lulled him back to sleep.

XxXxXxXxX

_Fin._


End file.
